Finding Clothes...

That scare the jeebies out of you!!!

Yes, I got a shock the other day when we were cleaning out what used to be my room 6 years ago, and is now where my hubby and I are staying. It still has a little "junk" in it, and as I was putting away our clothes into the draws I opening the bottom draw to find a whole stack of old shirts. And they are SCARY!!!

The one that hurt the most? My Rock Eistedfod Tshirt from year 11. We had to take our own shirt in, and we screen printed them. So it's actually kind of special to me. Anyway, I looked at the label. It's the background on on the pic.
SIZE 20!!!
When did that happen!! ARGH!!

The one I am holding in the pic I got at my first work experience with the Writers Centre. I had convinced myself that it was a small make, and that's why I was wearing the XL. It was really too tight (but it was the biggest size they had), I could hardly pull it over my hips and it was really tight on my chest, I have many uncomfortable pics in it.

The zoomed in? Funnily enough (cos it's the same size), this tag hurt heaps, cos I wore this size the 7 years I worked at the Australian Geographic shop, up until 2004. Goes to show, that even when I thought I was doing ok weight wise, I never got out of those size XL work shirts.

On a good note, I found a size 14 GIRLS shirt in there, even that was too big.

And when I ordered my shirts for the new job? The manager told me they were a small make, better order the size up. So I ordered a 10, perfect. THE SIZE UP IS A TEN!! HAHAHA!! :)

So these pics above are a little old now, and it's an unflattering shot of both of us as we had been moving stuff all day, but aren't these Orchids GORGEOUS! I love them, and I miss you guys in Wollongong!

Hmmmm, other than that, a Huge Hi to the Team Sexy Arms girls, we may have been a little quiet of late, but I am all fired up, and we are going look stunning in those sleeveless tops this summer - with our flat bellies too!!!

Oh, and for Patricia, I don't use a very special program at all! I do all my pics in Paint (the one that comes standard on Windows!) just before we moved a friend upgraded our computer and I have some great programs on there... When we finally get settled somewhere... Until then, paint it is! It's quite effective though!

I FOUND IT!!!!

I FOUND MY CAMERA CORD!!!!
Ok, so why is that exciting, well, cos I love sharing pics, and now I can again! I have Monday tues off, but my hubby only had Monday off... So I have today to myself, so I went and searched... And succeeded!!!
WOOOHOOOO!!!!!
*grin*

(I love pics, ok!!!)

So anyway, I have several posts to catch up on, cos I now have photos! YAY!!

Hmmm, what else is new...

I got up the nerve to do my measurements again, haven't done them in a while (cos I was expanding a little...) and I have finally updated my total loss of:

125.5cms!!!

How good is that!! I was pretty amazed, I have lost all those cms that had hit my bust and waist, and am now significantly than I was beforehand! GREAT!

I'm a little without voice at the moment, I'm hoping a good night sleep will mend that (had a fever, the throats just tagging on i hope), and I am REALLY keen to catch up on everyone's blogs, i haven't had a chance lately, I will do so shortly, so expect comments everyone!
MWAH to all!

So these pics with the red top on is today. This arvo. As recent as you can get. And yes I know I look sick and blerh, so I put on a pic I really like of me from Sydney too.
Keep scrolling for more posts... and still to come I have photo evidence of my hubby cleaning our old place in the Gong, and some beautiful spring flowers from the garden and the flowers the WW girls in W'Gong got me... and hopefully Floriade soon too... I love photos!!
:)
Rae :)

The Cruise (FINALLY!)

Yes, we finally went on the Lake Burley Griffin Dinner Cruise! We had a lovely 3 course dinner, though I didn't have any dessert, didn't like either option, so I guess my points didn't get blown after all!
Besides it was a birthday dinner for my pal Sal (and thats her fiance - very exciting! YAY for weddings! oh yeah, I put engagement pics up earlier didn't I! tehehehe)
Anyway, 3 hours on the boat, and we didn't even feel like we were moving it was so smooth. The lights of Canberra are very pretty, all the buildings light up. Though I think we went up and down about 3 times, the lake just isn't all that big! :)
My favourite sight was something called the 'Corrillian', it was all lit up in Red, and was gorgeous. I am going to have to find out what it is... something about a gift from England? I'm completely ignorant on this one!

My brothers Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!!
I loved being back in town for birthdays, both Daniel's and Dad's! and Father's day too, there are definate perks to living in Canberra! :)
Mum thinks it's good too, I do all the boys (dad + brothers) haircuts when I'm around...

Go Tiny Donna! YAY!!

YAY!!
Photos from my camera of our time in Sydney!
I think if you click on it it gets bigger! i'm just tired and can't be bothered waiting to download individual photos!
ENJOY!
:)

Always look...

on the bright side of life!
Okay, so I have a really bad day, and a not so great week, and I could let it get me down... But I am not going to let it. Seriously, today I hit rock bottom, but when I hit the bottom and heard the thud, I decided I didn't like the bottom (its not much fun) so I am just going positive.

Just this "looking positive" thing is a huge positive! The old me wouldn't have done that. The old me probably would have quit my job or binged on chocolate or something equally stupid. So that's a great thing!

I have been struggling to eat well with no count lately, mainly because I am not in control of the day to day food. That lack of control was bugging me, but instead of whinging and keeping on 'kind of' doing no count, I have actually dug out a tracker and tracked, yes the no count queen has been TRACKING a solid 19 points per day, aren't I good? For the record, I lost half my weight on points, but could NEVER see myself doing it forever, and was a terrible tracker anyway, I think it was mostly exercise that got me through, but now I am being really good.

I am allowing myself some kind of treat (eg. lollipop, 85% dark choc square, scone) every day, so that I love to eat still, and don't surcumb to any unplanned splurges.

I have been open with my feelings, instead of bottling them up. This is a good thing.

I have been going to the gym. In fact, I increased my weights in body pump and really challenged myself.

I have a loving husband, wonderful friends, and many dear and caring online readers. Thankyou for reading, commenting and caring. A special thankyou to Kristy and Alicia, for the beautiful messages on your blogs, and for actually coming back and leaving 2 messages, I felt so special when I saw that! thankyou! mwah!

I think that will do for today! I will try and write more tomorrow or something... I have missed blogging and emailing etc, so expect more of it! :)

Pulling myself up and onwards!

Well I guess I needed the space, even when I have been online lately, I have just been an observer. For soon reason everytime I sit down to type anything I stop and can't do it. So I thought I had better just bite the bullet and get on with it. I WILL be back around on the boards, and I will cry less and talk more. I guess that's my problem, my hormones are everywhere, so I cry easily, and I just don't want to do anything to make it worse.

Firstly though, I want to thank everyone who left such lovely comments to my last post. I really means a lot to me to know that you all care so. It has been a real blessing being in the same house as my parents, and I have a job I enjoy, so I am doing better. I am not myself though, my confidence has dropped heaps and I am a lot quieter than usual, which is not good at all. In fact it's a bit of a problem at work, I am just not being as talkative and assertive as I need to be, as you can imagine I have to take control in the studio or the photo shoots are a complete bust. But I am working on it, I'll get there.

I am just getting stuck back into exercise and WW now. I haven't been eating bad or anything, I have been eating very well, I just haven't had my weight as a focus, I have had my health (iron, fluid, rest etc) as focus instead. But I have started going to Bodyworks Gym where my mum goes, and am really enjoying it. "But wait!" you say, what happened to Curves? It's just too far away! And the open hours combined with distance equals me not being able to go. So I decided to bite the bullet and go somewhere I can go, instead of sticking with Curves but only getting a half-effort exercise plan.

So anyway, I went to a pump class with mum last week, went so light on the chest presses due to the major change and pain in that area lately, and my abs are not so good... But other than that I went well, and then I did a step class on Friday, and besides looking like a gumby for the first 20 mins or so, that went well too. But this morning I think I found my weapon for getting to goal and beyond... BOXERCISE. Seriously, I almost died. I thought I was going to die at the step class, cos everyone is always complaining about how hard and high energy they are, and I was completely fine, in fact I felt like I was hardly getting my heart rate up enough! But Boxercise? Oh my goodness...

It was great though, and I keep thinking how I would have gone if I had tried to do this at my heaviest... I think there would have been an ambulance! Granted, I feel really unfit and wiped, my body has been through a lot and I know I am not as capable as I was, but I jogged/ran on the treadmill beforehand, was pleased with that, then class turned out to be only me and another girl and the Trainer, who is really a personal trainer, so basically we had a PT session. We skipped, we then went for a run outside and up and down "heartbreak hill' (ok, this is when I had to admit I have had a recent miscarriage, and I started walking...) then run back to the gym, then punches and push-ups with running in between, and duck walking and punching with weights and step-ups (the step was higher than my knee!! I HATE being the short one!! ARGH!!), more weight punching, more step-ups, me running to the toilet wanting to ... but I didn't (very surprised), more punching, room spinning....

Anyway, the PT said I did very well, and that cos it was so one on one he pushed us a lot harder... But I can't remember when I have had such a great workout. I feel so weird though, I am so used to feeling fit, that this just seems wrong. Anyway... I think I might plan so more "punishment", cos it was still fun! Oh, and I still don' t have the cord for the camera, it's got to be somewhere, so I put this pic of someone at a boxericse class, and see the blur that is her hand? Fast and hard and lots of it!

The rest of today has been not so good, as we are still having no luck with the househunt, the places are taken almost before they are advertised! At least the livable ones... so that's about it.

I really do want to Thank You all for you support, feel free to remind me to post if I disappear, I need the support, I want myself to the fittest and healthiest I can be!

That being said, it reminds me of a funny thing I thought when I was filling in the gym application. It asked how I would describe my physical state and why, and I said fit and healthy cos I have lost weight etc. And then it asked for goals, and I didn't really care about the first box about losing weight. The toning up etc is so much more interesting to me now, the rest of the kilos will shift in their own time, but they are not the number one for me now. Anyway, I think I am rambling, it was just an interesting insight into myself. I do really want to get to goal, but when I comes to the gym, I go because I love exercise, it's not a means to lose weight and that's all, it's a healthy lifestyle thing. It's interesting when things hit you like that, isn't it?

Enough babbling from me, ciao!

Yes, I've been avoiding...

But not for any longer. I needed to give myself some completely people free time, not just internet free, I've pretty much been avoiding the whole world lately.
I fact, I was planning to not write this post. To just not post for a while, and then start again as if nothing had happened. But I can't do it. I don't think I can get to that point, I think I just need to write it and stop procrastinating... But I am doing that procastinating so well! *grin*
Anyway, last week I miscarried at 10 and a bit weeks. And I have been miserable, hormonal, and a mess ever since. I hadn't told anyone except my husband and parents, I had hinted (or said I hadn't tested yet) and a few people had guessed anyway, but I was going to announce after passing the 12 week mark. Guess not.
I feel like it is my fault, I've been so busy with moving and then the shoot in Sydney and new job, I definitely haven't taken things easy. The doctor said it's not my fault, and I do have a medical condition that I know will make things hard, but it's still awful. The doctor even said it's likely I'll have 4 or 5 miscarriages before we succeed, but I am really not going to let myself think like that.
We really want children, and we are young. And the doctor said that the only reason that I wasn't in hospital was because I am fit and healthy. So we are going to keep playing the best cards, and see where it takes us. Young, fit, healthy.
*sigh* I feel like crying again. I have been a lot. Work has been great, it distracts me by keeping me really busy. It's sitting at home that I find hard. Except for the pregnant mums at work. But I am not jealous, just sad, but hopeful too. I think I am breaking through the sadness a bit now. Maybe that's why I can write this. Can I press the post button? I'm not sure.
In a way, I am really worried about when the pics come out in the mag. Cos I was so happy that day, and physically I have changed a lot since then anyway. I lost 3 kilos (not in a good way obviously) in the first few days, and my body is going back to smaller shape. I completely lost it on my phone interview for the mag, which was only a few days ago. Bawled my eyes out, I couldn't help it. Will I re-live that when the mag comes out? That day I thought everything was wonderful, new job, new me, meeting Donna, being in the mag, and looking forward to the new addition in the family. Besides the fact I was complaining about the very painful gigantic breasts, I was so excited!
I do feel better for getting this out here. Otherwise I'm not sure I would have come back and blogged again. But I know you who read this are friends, even though we have never met I value your comments and encouragement always, and I am not the negative (and fat!) person I used to be, I am a positive new person, and I will get through this fine.
Thankyou all so much for your continued support,
RaeRae :)