Pulling myself up and onwards!

Well I guess I needed the space, even when I have been online lately, I have just been an observer. For soon reason everytime I sit down to type anything I stop and can't do it. So I thought I had better just bite the bullet and get on with it. I WILL be back around on the boards, and I will cry less and talk more. I guess that's my problem, my hormones are everywhere, so I cry easily, and I just don't want to do anything to make it worse.

Firstly though, I want to thank everyone who left such lovely comments to my last post. I really means a lot to me to know that you all care so. It has been a real blessing being in the same house as my parents, and I have a job I enjoy, so I am doing better. I am not myself though, my confidence has dropped heaps and I am a lot quieter than usual, which is not good at all. In fact it's a bit of a problem at work, I am just not being as talkative and assertive as I need to be, as you can imagine I have to take control in the studio or the photo shoots are a complete bust. But I am working on it, I'll get there.

I am just getting stuck back into exercise and WW now. I haven't been eating bad or anything, I have been eating very well, I just haven't had my weight as a focus, I have had my health (iron, fluid, rest etc) as focus instead. But I have started going to Bodyworks Gym where my mum goes, and am really enjoying it. "But wait!" you say, what happened to Curves? It's just too far away! And the open hours combined with distance equals me not being able to go. So I decided to bite the bullet and go somewhere I can go, instead of sticking with Curves but only getting a half-effort exercise plan.

So anyway, I went to a pump class with mum last week, went so light on the chest presses due to the major change and pain in that area lately, and my abs are not so good... But other than that I went well, and then I did a step class on Friday, and besides looking like a gumby for the first 20 mins or so, that went well too. But this morning I think I found my weapon for getting to goal and beyond... BOXERCISE. Seriously, I almost died. I thought I was going to die at the step class, cos everyone is always complaining about how hard and high energy they are, and I was completely fine, in fact I felt like I was hardly getting my heart rate up enough! But Boxercise? Oh my goodness...

It was great though, and I keep thinking how I would have gone if I had tried to do this at my heaviest... I think there would have been an ambulance! Granted, I feel really unfit and wiped, my body has been through a lot and I know I am not as capable as I was, but I jogged/ran on the treadmill beforehand, was pleased with that, then class turned out to be only me and another girl and the Trainer, who is really a personal trainer, so basically we had a PT session. We skipped, we then went for a run outside and up and down "heartbreak hill' (ok, this is when I had to admit I have had a recent miscarriage, and I started walking...) then run back to the gym, then punches and push-ups with running in between, and duck walking and punching with weights and step-ups (the step was higher than my knee!! I HATE being the short one!! ARGH!!), more weight punching, more step-ups, me running to the toilet wanting to ... but I didn't (very surprised), more punching, room spinning....

Anyway, the PT said I did very well, and that cos it was so one on one he pushed us a lot harder... But I can't remember when I have had such a great workout. I feel so weird though, I am so used to feeling fit, that this just seems wrong. Anyway... I think I might plan so more "punishment", cos it was still fun! Oh, and I still don' t have the cord for the camera, it's got to be somewhere, so I put this pic of someone at a boxericse class, and see the blur that is her hand? Fast and hard and lots of it!

The rest of today has been not so good, as we are still having no luck with the househunt, the places are taken almost before they are advertised! At least the livable ones... so that's about it.

I really do want to Thank You all for you support, feel free to remind me to post if I disappear, I need the support, I want myself to the fittest and healthiest I can be!

That being said, it reminds me of a funny thing I thought when I was filling in the gym application. It asked how I would describe my physical state and why, and I said fit and healthy cos I have lost weight etc. And then it asked for goals, and I didn't really care about the first box about losing weight. The toning up etc is so much more interesting to me now, the rest of the kilos will shift in their own time, but they are not the number one for me now. Anyway, I think I am rambling, it was just an interesting insight into myself. I do really want to get to goal, but when I comes to the gym, I go because I love exercise, it's not a means to lose weight and that's all, it's a healthy lifestyle thing. It's interesting when things hit you like that, isn't it?

Enough babbling from me, ciao!